New Year’s Resolutions.  66% of all American adults make them.  Why?  Because we have the idea that being thinner, wealthier, in a relationship or hitting a career milestone will make us feel happier.  We are partly right.  Changing bad habits into constructive habits generally makes us feel better.  Achieving a goal we set for ourselves makes us feel better.  But will we be happier then, some time in the future when we master the challenge we have set for ourselves?

That is a big question.  You could spend your whole life trying to figure out exactly how to be happier.  I have. Happiness is the ultimate endgame.  It is what we all want – quite simply – to feel better more of the time.  Not a destination.  Not a place where we can arrive.  If you’re like me, you’d like to feel better, happier, more of the time starting right now – not 20 pounds from now or two promotions from now.

So why wait until you achieve your goals or resolutions?  You don’t need to.  If you want to be happier this year than you were last year, think about two things – adding more joy to your current life equation and increasing your capacity for happiness in the future – sort of like flexing your “happiness” muscle.  Here’s how.

Pick the low hanging fruit.  What do you know for sure that increases your feelings of well being? Whatever it is, do more of it.  Exercise, spending time with friends, a nap or a hobby.  Add more data points of positivity into your weekly schedule.  Odd as it may seem, I’ve found a number of clients who don’t really seem to know what – specifically – they find enjoyable.  If that is you, try keeping a log over a week or so by noticing when you feel good and jotting down what is behind the good feeling.  You might be surprised at some of the simple ways to add more positivity when you really notice yourself.  I did this last summer and was surprised to notice that it didn’t take fine wine, good friends and endless hours of leisure.  I noticed that getting out into the sunshine, short walks, and playing with my puppy would all amplify my feelings of well being.

Use positive language.  Energy flows where attention goes.  One of the ways we focus our attention is in the way we talk- to others and maybe more importantly to our selves in our own heads.  Practice using positive, affirmative language EVERY chance you get.  I can almost hear the moans now, “Oh no, not more of the positive thinking crap.”  No.  Not more of that.  Your brain is a fabulous bio computer.  It will work very hard to prove you right no matter what input you give it.  If you look around your work environment for instance and say to yourself, “Oh what a treacherous place to work,” out of all the billions of data points in your environment, your mind is going to select out the ones that will justify your statement to yourself and make you right.  On the other hand, when you speak in the positive in both your internal and external dialog, your mind will be your ally.  It will select out more of the positive data points and you will experience more positive feelings.  The best way to develop this skill is in chunks of time.  Try it for an hour, a day, at an office meeting, at the dinner table.  Just choose a chunk of time, try it and notice what works.

Indulge in dreaming.  Take the lid off your dreams.  Forget being practical and realistic and planning and knowing how.  Exercise your dreaming muscle.  Think about the ideal – the ideal job, the ideal relationship, the ideal living space without any parameters.  All you need to do is hang out with your thoughts about what is ideal.  If you need to question yourself, simply ask – “What will having that get me?”  Follow the thread.  How will this make you happier?  By pointing you in the direction of what YOU really, REALLY want.  Goals that are intrinsically motivated, that come from our deepest desires are ultimately the most satisfying.  The only way to achieve them, the first step and a big step, is figuring out what exactly they are.

For more on strategies and tactics for a happier 2010, check out the book – The Happiness Project: Or, Why I Spent a Year Trying to Sing in the Morning, Clean My Closets, Fight Right, Read Aristotle, and Generally Have More Fun
just released by Gretchen Rubin of the blog by the same name.

Photo by fspugna.

H = S + C + V

According to Dr. Martin Seligman, author of Authentic Happiness and numerous other books on the subject, enduring happiness (H) is a function of our happiness set point (S) combined with our life circumstances (C) and factors under our voluntary control (V).

Your enduring level of happiness is distinct from momentary happiness.  Momentary happiness can be increased by any number of pleasant experiences – a glass of wine, a baby's smile or beautiful music. Enduring happiness is not simply a collection of pleasant experiences but your general, overall level of satisfaction and joy in life.  It might be characterized by how stoked you are about your day today and how much you look forward to your life in the future.

Your happiness set point (S) is primarily inherited from your biological parents and accounts for approximately 50% of your enduring happiness.  This is your sort of default level of happiness – all other things being equal – and can vary greatly between people.  Obviously, there is little you can do to change your genetics.

Life circumstances (C) account for about 10% of the equation.  Money, health, relationships, where you live, friends, negative life events and religion can all have an impact – either positive or negative. The good news is that many life circumstances can be positively influenced by your efforts.

But the really good news is that fully 40% of your enduring happiness depends on your ability to exercise the muscle of positive emotions.  Positive emotions are the byproduct of your way of thinking about things – past, present and future.  They include optimism, hope, joy, faith, trust, pride and satisfaction among others.  And here is where you have the leverage to create more sustainable and enduring happiness.  

So how do you develop this muscle?  Seligman suggests the ABCDE model of arguing with yourself when you have negative thoughts.  Think of it as a conversation you might have with a friend or when disputing a completely ludicrous accusation.  Next time you have a negative thought, try to apply this method and notice the difference.

A is for adversity.  Describe the negative event.  "Our teenage daughter had a party in our house over the weekend while we were out of town."

B is for belief.  What is your belief about the event?  "She has absolutely no respect for us.  She is headed for even more trouble.  How are we ever going to get control of her behavior?"

C is for Consequences.  Identify the impact or consequences for the event.  "I am furious with her for lying and disappointed in my husband for not managing things better in the past.  And I am overwhelmed at the prospect of trying to discipline a teenager."

D is for disputation.  Disputation is key.  This is where you point out what might be erroneous in your beliefs and consequences.  "Having a party while we are out of town is not a felony.  It doesn't mean she is a bad kid.  In fact, she is doing great in school and hey, didn't I try that trick once or twice on my parents?  I can't say I was 100% truthful with my parents either.  It is pretty normal for a teenager to test the boundaries."

E is for energization (Is that a word?).  Observe the energy that becomes available as you DISPUTE your negative beliefs.  "I am not interested in controlling her behavior.  I am interested in continuing to strengthen our relationship and build it during difficult times.  I also want her to learn to make good decisions, to be safe.  I am going to talk to her to communicate my disappointment and I am going to make sure she doesn't have the opportunity to make the same decision in the near future."

While 50% of your happiness level may be a function of heredity, some 40% is a function of how you think about things and then experience positive or negative emotions.  Why not spend the next week, the next day or the next hour exercising your positive emotion muscle?